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January 13, 2015, 8:50 AM

A Penny's Worth of Thought: Please Excuse Me God

God, please excuse me from reading your Word the Bible.  

You see, many times it is uncomfortable for me when I read it.  It seems that often while I am reading I am convicted by what I am reading.  It seems that it pierces me way down deep and uncovers things about myself in a way that I just am not comfortable with.

Yes, there are certainly times when I am encourage in what I am reading.  There are also many times that I read a promise or of an event that I either had not read before (or at least don't remember reading) or had forgotten about and it encourages me, lifts my spirits and gives me hope but...

To be honest God, I know I don't read the Bible like I know I should.  I know what I was taught about it being good for me so that I can grow as a Christian.  I even know that my friend who was not a believer began reading it on a dare and was convicted and got saved!  I know that it would help to live this life I live if I would read it more.  I know you have said it is a lamp for my feet and a light for my path.  But, God there are just so many other things to take up my time I just don't seem to have time to read it even if I wanted to.  Work, cleaning, kids, spouse, friends, vacations, errands, life is just so busy.  

The reality is God, is that even when I do read it and even when it does not make me uncomfortable by pointing out things in my life that I need to change, there are other times when I just don't understand what it is trying to say.  

Maybe if I prayed more, I would understand it more.  Maybe if I asked you to help me understand it I would and then enjoy it more.  Maybe I would learn that I can't really understand what you are trying to tell me in your Word unless I ask you to give me understanding through your spirit.  

Maybe my excuse is that I don't really want to change, maybe my excuse is I really don't want to understand what it is you desire for me because then I would also understand that you would give me a desire for what you want and the understanding to know that you would give me the strength to do and live as I should.  Maybe my excuse is that as long as I don't know I can't be held liable for it.  Maybe my excuse is that I find all kinds of other things to do instead of spending time with you.

I know these are probably not great excuses God, I admit that.  God I want to be a good person, I want to know you better. I want to know what your will is for me.  I really do want you to show me the areas of my life that are holding me back from being all that I can be in you because of you and your love.  

Wait...What is that?  You are still working on me?  Even now?  What do you mean that this conversation is a prayer and you have heard me and will help me?  You mean that my being honest with you is what you have wanted all along?  You love me just the same anyway?  

I didn't realize you loved me like that God?

Maybe this can be a new start God?  Maybe if you will help me I will read my Bible and pray more.  Because, God if you can love me like that no matter what...

I want to know you more.


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